By John Zakour
John Zakour is a humor author with a Master's measure in Human habit. He writes the syndicated comedian "Working Daze" and has written a SF trilogy for Daw books. John is living in Geneva, long island.
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Extra resources for A Man's Guide to Pregnancy: How to live with a Pregnant Person (and get out of it alive)
Uterus: where the baby lives, grows, plays, and generally hangs out for nine months or so. Vagina: the place where the whole adventure started. Vasectomy: something your wife will threaten to perform on you throughout her labor. 47 Videotaping: something your wife will probably kill you for if you do anytime during the hospital stay. Water breaking: if you are in the car when this happens, ACCELERATE!!!! Wet nurse: a nurse who tries changing a newborn baby at the wrong time. Womb: a nicer way of saying uterus.
Since your wife is pregnant she is going to be even less understanding and forgiving than usual. Therefore, you are really going to have to try a bit harder to overcome whatever it is you did wrong. These handy certificates are meant to be an aid for getting you out of trouble. The certificate was meant to be as simple and yet as versatile as possible. Just fill in the blanks and use them wisely. ) Certificate Of Love I am sorry I messed up by ____________________________________________________, And I promise it won’t happen again.
Superbowl Sunday: the day you really don’t want your wife to go into labor. Toxemia: something you don’t want to deal with if at all possible. Ultrasound: due to kind of old, but still kind of neat, technology, we can now use sound waves to create a picture of the baby while he or she is still inside the womb. ” Ultrasound pictures make lousy Christmas cards though. Umbilical cord: the baby’s lifeline while inside of the mommy. Some “lucky” daddies may get to cut this once the baby has made its first outside appearance.